Tales from 6th & Alexandria (pt. 2)

Let's see...what's an interesting story to share...

Well, I guess I'll go into the story of the masked gunman at 6th and Alexandria.

There was a billiard called "Players" that catered to nearly all the delinquent youths in the tri-city area. The tables were new, clean, and all of the cue-sticks were actually straight. For a pool hall junkie like me, it was a little slice of heaven apart from the usual hole in the wall billiards and three-legged tables. The people were young, came looking good, and most importantly...they played for money.

It was a recipe for disaster. Soon enough, people came in with chips on their shoulders and something hyper-masculine to prove. As we normal patrons played our normal games, some random guy came marching in the business waiving a handgun at people.

"Wassup! F@#$ you bitches! Sup now?!" he proclaimed with the bravery a firearm rewards.

Before he could target a single person to displace his rage over his absence of functioning testicles, a girl walked up to the masked aggressor and smirkishly asked "Henry?" (His exact name escapes me). She must have guessed his identity correctly because he darted out of the building like a child caught with his pants at the ankles, masturbating to the centerfolds of National Geographic. I can only imagine how red he was in the face under the fiendishly clever veil.

How did she know? By what ingenius means of deduction did this girl manage to uncover his secret identity? Elementary my dear Watson:

1. Don't be a regular customer of the place you're about to commit a crime
2. Change your clothes stupid

It's like he was going to his best friend's party and expecting to maintain anonymity by covering his eyes with dental floss. What an idiot. Did he seriously think that we would be so far distracted by the fabric on his head that no one would recall his voice, height, frame, clothes, and shoes? Maybe if he wore the Emperor's new clothes and draped on an extra invisibility cloak, he could have salvaged his dignity for the night.

Sure, one could think that it was the girl's modest popularity and sweet powers of deduction that saved a life that night. But then again, he was stupid. A puppy with a fluffy tail could have stolen his attention.

And again, this is just further proof of how stupid teenagers are. If there's still interest in exploits of my never-before-spoken past, maybe I'll keep these tales going.