The Pool of Doom!!!

My childhood home had a swimming pool in the backyard. I swam nearly everyday (even at times when the winter winds advised otherwise). It got monotonous. Especially for the easily jaded like me, swimming laps can get bland and have you search for new activities as your fingers get pruney.

So, the day finally came where I thought "duuuudee...you know the plastic tarp covering the pool??? What if I jumped into it?" Of course, my third grade vonacular called the tarp the "huge blue plastic thingy on the pool," but I digress. Anyways, I jumped in. And then the lessons in physics and survival began.

It kind of turns out that the surrounding water creates pressure that suctions the plastic tarp around your body...mummifying and vaccuum-sealing the freshness of a soon to be corpse as you sink to the bottom of the 8ft deep end. Your arms get locked to your sides. Your legs become bandaged together. It ain't a good situation to be very un-fishlike.

I slowly sank with terrifying helplessness. As the level of water acquainted the bottom of my chin, I took a last gasp for air and succumbed to the huge blue plastic thingy on the pool enwrapping my head. Before I could claim a decade of life on planet earth, it looked as though this blue planet was going to naturally select me for the Darwin award.

The arguable good news is that, after a significant portion of the tarp draws beneath the water surface, the tension starts to loosen. When my 60lb body bottomed in the deep end, enough slack was created for me to wriggle and wry away from the ominous light at the end of the tunnel. Nearly short on breath, I frantically rushed back to the surface and broke out of the water with a dramatic slow-motioned moment of triumph as seen in the movies.

Man...talk about an experience... With the rush of surviving near death surging through my appreciative warm body, I knew that there was only one thing to do...do it again.