In the sunny state of California, a ride on fresh snowy slopes is an experience to cherish few times a year.
The drive is serene with the natural calming greens, browns, and rocks often missed living in industry. The sun breaks over the encompassing mountain tops. Rays of light sneak their way between families of trees and highlight the trails with a slight tease. As the time inches closer, each passing turn becomes whiter with the welcoming of last night's snow.
I always step out of my car with a deep breath and stretch to embrace the clean air. The familiar cool feel and light mountain air helps ease the burdens left a few thousand feet below. Boots, gloves, and goggles are all the preparing I need. Only the weight of a single board is carried on my shoulders.
Looking from the lifts, I smile while watching new riders. Some of them laugh. Others are clearly frustrated. All of them stumble to find balance from having both feet locked on their boards. Still, not a single one of them have experienced the real face of snowboarding. We may all arrive in groups, but we ride alone.
Start a little higher. Run the trails a little steeper. Enjoy the quiet.
On Powder
Sensing It
You don't have to grab an ass, or cup a boob, to make someone feel violated.
Sometimes, all it takes is a mistaken gesture to remove lint from someone's hair to jolt a person away with fear of molestation.
I'm a guy (at least most of the time). So, I think it's because of my man-sense that I react with annoyance to infiltrations of my personal zone without the shivering creeps. Even when another guy of prominent mal-facial deformity has his chin over my shoulder to peer between my chesticles, I merely furrow my brow and typically say, “hey bro…watch out. I'm getting your humidity." But it's not like I get the shudders, as if I had to claw across a chalkboard to shed millions of spiders crawling up my bare chicken legs and off my taint.
I guess the differences with the sexes are few and far between. In addition to the five senses men have, women seem to develop extra sensory receptors through life. I’ve come to know these senses as the eeewwwss, the gross, the awwwss, and the yummss.
The eeewwwss:
Stimulation of the eeewwwss typically signals a response of a quivering at the tailbone that emanates up her spine and on to the neck and shoulders, raising all her back hairs along the way. Think of it as a woman feeling like she was soaked in nasty and was reacting to shake it off.
The prevalent means of stimulating a female’s eeewwwss is from a male’s unwelcomed touch. It’s the palm on the small of her back. Or it can be the modestly less frequent hand on her crossed legs. Her eeewwwss sensory nerves even extend throughout her head of hair, so a reach to remove hitchhiking particles from her flowing locks can cause a sudden onset of uncontrollable shivers.
The best remedy is for we fellas to keep our hands to ourselves. Just remember to be H.I.P. and keep your Hands In your Pocket. If you’re walking together and she starts drifting away lost with confusion, shout a turn-by-turn with corresponding bopping head gestures when necessary. Guide her with vocalized lefts and rights, avoiding the use of compassing with north, south, east, and west (sense of direction is a male-specific trait after all). It doesn’t even matter if a car is barreling towards her or an eagle is about to diarrhea on her freshly Pantene’d doo. Stay H.I.P. because you’re better off shouting “Hey! There appears to be a misfortunate event on an intersecting path with the exact route to which you are traveling!!!” As her eeewwwss subside, she’ll touch you first – even if it’s a punch for being a smartass.
...to be continued - "the gross, awwwss, and yummss."
~edit~
The gross:
As an acidic churning mostly centered in her “I’m not hungry” organ with the occasional reflux gagging, the gross is her reactionary sense to the putridity of a male stimulus lighting her retinas. Sometimes it comes from looking at plumber’s crack. Most of the time, the gross is a response to a man’s sneaks.
Let’s clear the difference between the “peek” and the “sneak.” Peeking is flattering. Men can point to a shooting star and steal a peeking half-glance at her boobage while she admires the fading stream; it’s forgivable and complimentary. Sneaking is along the lines of adding mirrors to one’s shoes in order to gawk up skirts. Know the boundaries.
Women have eyes just like men, and them pupils want something good to look at. The gross bubbles whenever women catch men drop-jawed, drooling, and rubbing palms with an unbroken stare at her friend’s girly parts despite the whore uniform. Stay between extremities. A man should keep somewhere between a homeless Steve Buscemi and a four-eyed, pocket-protected, child molester. Don’t be too dirty, or too clean.
The awwwss:
Think puppy, baby, or even a black and white photo of a child holding a single colored rose.
The yummss:
It’s the chocolate that melts in her mouth, or the scoop of ice cream she shouldn’t have had. Everyday of her life she denies herself the sinfully yummy. So when the time comes to tantalize her taste buds, women close their eyes and savor every moment before the guilt settles in.
The end…
A half-assed ending to a less than inspired article, I know. At least I finished it…haha.
President Obama's Inaugural Address
My fellow citizens: I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors. I thank President Bush for his service to our nation, as well as the generosity and cooperation he has shown throughout this transition.
Forty-four Americans have now taken the presidential oath. The words have been spoken during rising tides of prosperity and the still waters of peace. Yet, every so often the oath is taken amidst gathering clouds and raging storms. At these moments, America has carried on not simply because of the skill or vision of those in high office, but because We the People have remained faithful to the ideals of our forbearers, and true to our founding documents.
So it has been. So it must be with this generation of Americans.
That we are in the midst of crisis is now well understood. Our nation is at war, against a far-reaching network of violence and hatred. Our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some, but also our collective failure to make hard choices and prepare the nation for a new age. Homes have been lost; jobs shed; businesses shuttered. Our health care is too costly; our schools fail too many; and each day brings further evidence that the ways we use energy strengthen our adversaries and threaten our planet.
These are the indicators of crisis, subject to data and statistics. Less measurable but no less profound is a sapping of confidence across our land — a nagging fear that America's decline is inevitable, and that the next generation must lower its sights.
Today I say to you that the challenges we face are real. They are serious and they are many. They will not be met easily or in a short span of time. But know this, America — they will be met.
On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord.
On this day, we come to proclaim an end to the petty grievances and false promises, the recriminations and worn-out dogmas, that for far too long have strangled our politics. We remain a young nation, but in the words of Scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things. The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free, and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness.
In reaffirming the greatness of our nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. It must be earned. Our journey has never been one of short-cuts or settling for less. It has not been the path for the faint-hearted — for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame. Rather, it has been the risk takers, the doers, the makers of things — some celebrated but more often men and women obscure in their labor, who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom.
For us, they packed up their few worldly possessions and traveled across oceans in search of a new life.
For us, they toiled in sweatshops and settled the West; endured the lash of the whip and plowed the hard earth.
For us, they fought and died, in places like Concord and Gettysburg; Normandy and Khe Sahn.
Time and again these men and women struggled and sacrificed and worked till their hands were raw so that we might live a better life. They saw America as bigger than the sum of our individual ambitions; greater than all the differences of birth or wealth or faction.
This is the journey we continue today. We remain the most prosperous, powerful nation on Earth. Our workers are no less productive than when this crisis began. Our minds are no less inventive, our goods and services no less needed than they were last week or last month or last year. Our capacity remains undiminished. But our time of standing pat, of protecting narrow interests and putting off unpleasant decisions — that time has surely passed. Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America.
For everywhere we look, there is work to be done. The state of the economy calls for action, bold and swift, and we will act — not only to create new jobs, but to lay a new foundation for growth. We will build the roads and bridges, the electric grids and digital lines that feed our commerce and bind us together. We will restore science to its rightful place, and wield technology's wonders to raise health care's quality and lower its cost. We will harness the sun and the winds and the soil to fuel our cars and run our factories. And we will transform our schools and colleges and universities to meet the demands of a new age. All this we can do. And all this we will do.
Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions — who suggest that our system cannot tolerate too many big plans. Their memories are short. For they have forgotten what this country has already done; what free men and women can achieve when imagination is joined to common purpose, and necessity to courage.
What the cynics fail to understand is that the ground has shifted beneath them — that the stale political arguments that have consumed us for so long no longer apply. The question we ask today is not whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works — whether it helps families find jobs at a decent wage, care they can afford, a retirement that is dignified. Where the answer is yes, we intend to move forward. Where the answer is no, programs will end. And those of us who manage the public's dollars will be held to account — to spend wisely, reform bad habits, and do our business in the light of day — because only then can we restore the vital trust between a people and their government.
Nor is the question before us whether the market is a force for good or ill. Its power to generate wealth and expand freedom is unmatched, but this crisis has reminded us that without a watchful eye, the market can spin out of control — and that a nation cannot prosper long when it favors only the prosperous. The success of our economy has always depended not just on the size of our Gross Domestic Product, but on the reach of our prosperity; on our ability to extend opportunity to every willing heart — not out of charity, but because it is the surest route to our common good.
As for our common defense, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals. Our Founding Fathers, faced with perils we can scarcely imagine, drafted a charter to assure the rule of law and the rights of man, a charter expanded by the blood of generations. Those ideals still light the world, and we will not give them up for expedience's sake. And so to all other peoples and governments who are watching today, from the grandest capitals to the small village where my father was born: know that America is a friend of each nation and every man, woman, and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and that we are ready to lead once more.
Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.
We are the keepers of this legacy. Guided by these principles once more, we can meet those new threats that demand even greater effort — even greater cooperation and understanding between nations. We will begin to responsibly leave Iraq to its people, and forge a hard-earned peace in Afghanistan. With old friends and former foes, we will work tirelessly to lessen the nuclear threat, and roll back the specter of a warming planet. We will not apologize for our way of life, nor will we waver in its defense, and for those who seek to advance their aims by inducing terror and slaughtering innocents, we say to you now that our spirit is stronger and cannot be broken; you cannot outlast us, and we will defeat you.
For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness. We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus — and nonbelievers. We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this Earth; and because we have tasted the bitter swill of civil war and segregation, and emerged from that dark chapter stronger and more united, we cannot help but believe that the old hatreds shall someday pass; that the lines of tribe shall soon dissolve; that as the world grows smaller, our common humanity shall reveal itself; and that America must play its role in ushering in a new era of peace.
To the Muslim world, we seek a new way forward, based on mutual interest and mutual respect. To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict, or blame their society's ills on the West — know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy. To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist.
To the people of poor nations, we pledge to work alongside you to make your farms flourish and let clean waters flow; to nourish starved bodies and feed hungry minds. And to those nations like ours that enjoy relative plenty, we say we can no longer afford indifference to suffering outside our borders; nor can we consume the world's resources without regard to effect. For the world has changed, and we must change with it.
As we consider the road that unfolds before us, we remember with humble gratitude those brave Americans who, at this very hour, patrol far-off deserts and distant mountains. They have something to tell us today, just as the fallen heroes who lie in Arlington whisper through the ages. We honor them not only because they are guardians of our liberty, but because they embody the spirit of service; a willingness to find meaning in something greater than themselves. And yet, at this moment — a moment that will define a generation — it is precisely this spirit that must inhabit us all.
For as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies. It is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break, the selflessness of workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job which sees us through our darkest hours. It is the firefighter's courage to storm a stairway filled with smoke, but also a parent's willingness to nurture a child, that finally decides our fate.
Our challenges may be new. The instruments with which we meet them may be new. But those values upon which our success depends — hard work and honesty, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism — these things are old. These things are true. They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history. What is demanded then is a return to these truths. What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility — a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task.
This is the price and the promise of citizenship.
This is the source of our confidence — the knowledge that God calls on us to shape an uncertain destiny.
This is the meaning of our liberty and our creed — why men and women and children of every race and every faith can join in celebration across this magnificent mall, and why a man whose father less than sixty years ago might not have been served at a local restaurant can now stand before you to take a most sacred oath.
So let us mark this day with remembrance, of who we are and how far we have traveled. In the year of America's birth, in the coldest of months, a small band of patriots huddled by dying campfires on the shores of an icy river. The capital was abandoned. The enemy was advancing. The snow was stained with blood. At a moment when the outcome of our revolution was most in doubt, the father of our nation ordered these words be read to the people: "Let it be told to the future world ... that in the depth of winter, when nothing but hope and virtue could survive ... that the city and the country, alarmed at one common danger, came forth to meet [it]."
America. In the face of our common dangers, in this winter of our hardship, let us remember these timeless words. With hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come. Let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God's grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations.
Finding Love: The Space Between Sundays and Workdays
Do you work at a youthful company? Are you a member of the Sunday Praise Team? Are you a celebrity? I know you're not, so listen the hell up...
Life can get lonely (and horny if that's your m.o.). Your solitude is contrived by a cruel force of creation leaving people like us unfitting and uncomfortable with courting between pews and cubicles. Why? Maybe it's because vultures already stuck a penis in the pudding and stirred it up something venereal. Or, it might just be that the single females around don't prance, but rather roam in herds with hamburger hobbies that thicken hides made on one of God's less inspired people molding days.
Whatever life throws at you, feel good knowing you can throw it back. The standard of a human being is the ability to create tools, situations, pictures, and stories from our imagination. We are unique in that a thought can be drawn from a single brain and shared with all others. So, why waste so much time complaining about papers to file or whining about Grace being amazing in all ways but physical?
Have an interest in something. You'll be pleasantly surprised at how many really cool people have the same interests as you. Be interested in Kollaboration. The faces in the fronts can sing, dance, rap, spit hot-fire poetry, and tell jokes that may leave a "howwwddy ho" in your crimefighters.
Kollaboration 9 is being held at the Shrine Auditorium on February 21, 2009. David Choi is performing, ever heard of him? Over 10 million people have. Jazmin will be rocking the stage...they won MTV's competition for top pop group. Comedy Central comedian Jo Koy will give a special stand-up performance. Even comedian PK will hobble out on crutches and host the show with a broken leg (talk about pure passion and dedication!). Tens of millions of people from all over the planet have heard and seen these people. And now, they're getting together for one kick-ass live show.
Of all the years that Kollaboration has raised its curtains, I've never seen a better line up of talent and promise for an amazing night of song, dance, and laughs. It's more than just a show. It's sexier than most non-profit events. The afterparty alone is set to house over 2,000 people from LA, Chicago, New York, and even Canada. Come out...see someone...meet someone...be someone. Ticket yo-self!
http://www.kollaboration.org/Tickets/Los-Angeles/Kollaboration-9.html
See ya'll there!
Hilarity Girlarity
I am continually amused by the extreme measures we take to vie for the attention of the attainable. I've seen some funnies and heard of even funniers. Ah l'amour...the heart can be so cruel.
Some of the laughable that I see as of recently is middle-aged men teetering at the grasps of loneliness working the rounds for the affect of much younger women. He's mid-thirties. She's mid-twenties. He's far from successful. She's trying to succeed. Only Hugh Hefner has the right to never date anyone older than twenty four. The rest of us average non-wealthy males should look within a reasonable decade's range for a spouse. If you were celebrating a collegiate alma mater at the same time she was befuddled by training bras, maybe it's time you stopped rocking the cradle with your penis.
And so comes the story of the cougars hissing for the eye of a younger man. That's right...in the game of love and loins, women also have no shame. One is prettier than the other. So, in a desperate attempt to skin the sheep, the lesser of the two felines arrives parading in the most revealing clothes her wardrobe could offer. Yes, we all took notice of the epidermal desperation.
Competing for affection can get ugly. Men spend to out man-ify each other. We crack jokes and bruise rivals' egos. Women strip.
If love were easy, then it wouldn't be worth keeping. We should ache. We should take to our knees. Afterall, pride goeth before the fall. Stay foolish and love someone. See you all on eHarmony. Hahaha. =)
I have Nothing
I have nothing to write. I have absolutely nothing to publish. Talk about major writer's block.
If you care for babble, feel free to read my rabble.
So...I will be honest. There are things I could say. There are tons I can talk about. My family. My work. This girl... Maybe someday in the future, but right now, I just don't feel compelled nor inspired to share. Ask and I shall answer...hahaha...I know you'll never ask though...muuhahaha.
Some thoughts:
Lakers need to get it together. They should still be a championship team with Lamar Odom and Luke Walton injured. Sad. Too often do I see them slouching their shoulders and accepting a loss before time fully runs off the clock.
I'm bored. I used to find so much to do whenever I was alone. There was always something interesting to read. There was always something to learn. Now, I'm stuck at a point where I just want to meet interesting people. All my fascinations have transferred towards being amongst the fascinating.
I want to write a book. At some point in my life, I want to place a copy of my own work beside a collection of my favorite reads.
Although I feel like I'm miles behind last place, I am far from giving up the race to win her. One day, my awkwardness will fade.
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