How To Win Arguments

You can read books on how to win friends and influence people, but there are times when winning an argument reigns in importance. Not everyone is easily charmed. And quite honestly, most of us are not that charming. Getting people googly eyed over you is a gift. Winning an important argument is a trained skill.

Check to see if there's water in the pool before you jump in.

The key to winning an argument is to listen first. Take mental notes of what the person is saying. Don't make any assumptions, and don't make any inferences about what is being said. Feign ignorance and look for inconsistencies. It doesn't matter how smart a person is, our brains don't always cooperate with our mouths exactly the way we intended it to. Wait until you've collected a decent amount of their mistakes before you pounce because nothing feels better than crushing another person's argument with their own words.

Arguing is not fighting, it's a game of wits. It's not about who can throw the most punches. Arguing is all about waiting for that perfect pitch, and then smashing it with everything you've got. Listen carefully to what is being said to you. When you find a talking point within your range, knock it out of the park and drive that point home.

Most people fail to realize that arguing is a deconstructive process whereby at least two people take turns fragmenting ideas into their most truthful components. It is not simple fighting; you know, the type of shouting matches that typically have your girlfriend bring up every past mistake you have ever made that she was supposed to have forgiven you for but EVERY single time you happen to do something even remotely inconsiderate, she won't let go of the fact that you accidentally slept with her sister on the night of your anniversary because you were highly intoxicated and under the drunken impression that her sister was her.

Be great at what you know, and know what you don't.

Citing evidence while in an argument is critical to success. But be aware of your area of expertise. People that often get frustrated and lose arguments do so because they refuse to acknowledge topics and fields that they are not very familiar with. Show that you can't invalidate their claims, but only because you don't know enough about the subject. The inability to prove a claim false does not logically make it true. There is no "I'm right because you don't know" victory when it comes to arguing with adults.

Take command of the conversation by citing from your circle of competence. If someone else counters with evidence from their area of expertise, don't be a jackass and pretend like you know better than the expert. Saying that you don't know is perfectly fine. Heck, even former Attorney General Alberto Gonzales slimed away from a world of hurt with the "I can't recall" excuse. Stick with what you know because sometimes avoiding a loss is the same as winning.

All rise for the sultan of spin!

The spin is a pure art form and not to be attempted by newbies. Proper spinning of an argument requires a well-balanced mix of communicative density and mildly skewed perception. The best way to get a grasp of what I'm talking about is to watch the movie "Thank You for Smoking." Some may call the main character a slimebag, I call him a hero. He's a master of logic and an artisan of argument.

Successful and effective spinning takes advantage of common logical fallacies. It's the conclusions drawn that sound true, but are actually logically incorrect. Exploiting these logical fallacies that most people make is a dangerous weapon, and the effective execution of such an exploit can take a lifetime to master. Like the saying goes, the master artist must first learn all of the techniques and then forget them. Just know that you don't always have to attack the argument directly. Making someone else look wrong is often enough to make yourself look right.

It's true...less is more.

Once again, the biggest point about winning arguments is to speak as little as possible. If you only had 10 seconds to respond and then forever hold your peace, I bet that you'd be more mindful of your words and response. A secret about communication is that it's nearly impossible for a speaker to accurately recall their own words. Humans simply can't talk and listen to ourselves at the same time. That's why everyone is always telling you that you said something you can't remember. We gain power when we listen, and then we exercise power when we speak. Too often, people try to exercise power that they haven't earned and so they fail in winning friends and arguments, and influencing people. This is why you hate your boss. We give respect when we feel like we've been heard. And those worth respecting are but dwarfs standing on the shoulder of giants.