How To: Being Better that No One's Mentioned

Read all the self-help books that you want, but you'll never learn. Attend all the self-improvement seminars, and you'll never make that long-term dramatic change. Heck, even going to church every Sunday leaves most of still less than devout. It's because all you ever get is a well polished sales-pitch. After all, everyone's got an opinion if someone's paying for them.

Everyone starts with their heroes. We all need someone to look up to. As children we'll play "shadow" and "echo," tirelessly trying to be more like those we admire (i.e. our parents). Bill Clinton wanted to be like JFK. Kobe Bryant wanted to be like Michael Jordan. Although I apologize for using two sexual deviants as examples, the appropriation for each comes from the artistic adage to "learn all the techniques and then forget them." Even people of greatness grew up trying to be someone else. And eventually, they found themselves.

Putting the cheesy cliche film narrative of journeying through self-discovery aside, successful people are happy because they are happy being themselves. I doubt Bill Clinton lost sleep because his Marilyn Monroe was a modestly hefty government intern. Kobe Bryant knew that Michael Jordan would never spill the beans about a teammate's infidelity, but he got caught sodomizing someone other than his wife and dirtied Shaq's reputation afterwords. They aren't exactly who they grew up trying to be. Yet if you ask them even during their most depressing times, they'd answer that they wouldn't want to be anyone else.

Being better is all about better knowing yourself. It's about not being hurt by honesty. If you're fat, you're fat...accept it without it hurting you. If you're lazy, be happy chilling...and don't let other opinions bother you. All books, seminars, and preachings ever tell you is to be something else. They never take a moment to ask about you. It's like they expect you to believe that they've best of befriended enough people just like you to be able to console and coach you through your problems. Anyways, I've never seen anyone happy living with the results of someone else's expectations. When we take the time to find out who we are, it becomes easier to change towards who we want to be.

One of the greatest phrases I've ever heard was to "strengthen your strengths before you eliminate your weaknesses." Start in an area that you are strong in. Do what's naturally easy for you. Then as you work, gradually make it more challenging.

In order to really drive success, you must find other people that have your similar strengths. It's not about finding friends that like to watch the same movies as you. Seek out the people that possess natural abilities like your own. If you're good at solving puzzles, be amongst a group that are similarly good at solving puzzles. I will guarantee you that your problem solving skills will naturally improve without ever having a feeling of exerting an overburdening effort.

It's called escalation. Human beings are social creatures because we grow and improve ourselves from sharing knowledge and experience. Whether it's conscious or unconscious, we are always observing each other and trying to adopt skills that we find useful. When you are placed in a situation where everyone has similar strengths, everyone gets stronger regardless of who is the current best. Tiger Woods might be the best golfer in history, but because of his pronounced talent, everyone in the sport has been improving their game and enjoying the extravagantly higher prizes that follows.

The only losers are the ones that believe that life is a zero-sum game. Losers hold the philosophy that in order for one person to win, another person has to lose. And that when one person loses, another person wins. But I've noticed a truthiness. Although the LA Lakers lost the NBA Championship to the Boston Celtics, the Lakers still got paid MILLIONS of dollars in salary plus huge bonuses for even participating in the finals. It just shows that you don't have to be the current best to come out with great rewards.