Dinner Bills and Bathrooms

Dating can be a horrible experience. All seems to go well in the beginning. Conversations start a bit awkward, but smooth out with each passing cocktail. Then the bill comes, and *poof*, she does a ninja vanish to the bathroom. Sometimes it makes me want to walk out of the restaurant and stiff the wildebeest with the tab. Lucky for her, I was raised better.

Women need to stop reading girly magazines and cease watching chick-flicks. Those piles of crap advertise a shallow and false perception about the male species. It overgeneralizes the importance of a woman's looks and undervalues the quality of her actions. The size of a woman's breasts are not that important. Sometimes the only reason men gawk is because we're laughing at the freak show that are the titanic implants surgically sunken in her mammaries.

Huge breasts and a round ass are traits I look for in a stripper, and I don't take strippers to dinner. Make me laugh. If my jokes fail, laughingly tell me I'm not funny. For God's sake, just show a little spark of personality. Ask me a question. Criticize the bimbo in the corner. Give me something, anything, to work with. I'd rather shovel out belly lint with a rusty spoon than continue with one-sided conversations. I break bread for the company.

The stereotypes are getting out of hand. Men are not THAT shallow. Boobs, ass, and toned abs are mere bonuses. We care about those features just about as much as we care about sunroofs and seat warmers in a new car. Although some perks can be attractive, it all becomes meaningless if your engine runs weak in personality. The fun runs short while sitting in a car that doesn't go anywhere. There's just way too many refurbished singles in the market. And you can't patch a personality with Prada.

Us men like women that look good...NOT expensive. Looking good is a walk; It's a smile; It's a sincere giggle after I do something clumsy. Who are these people teaching women the false belief that expensive is what looks good? Err! Wrong! One rule of thumb is "the bigger a girl's sunglasses, the higher the maintenance." Paris Hilton is NOT hot...she's expensive. Correct your values ladies. Learn a joke or two. Don't sell yourself short, thereby becoming the victim of another person's insecurities. And stop fucking going to the bathroom whenever the bill comes. Ugh, dating is like finding a parking spot - all the good ones are taken, and the only ones left are handicapped.