iPhone: the Next Generation? Maybe Next Year...

Well...if you weren't disappointed by Apple Inc.'s keynote yesterday, you should be. The big news was that Apple had no new news regarding their sensationally delicious mobile sex-pod...the iPhone.

The dandruff was abundant on the black turtle-necked shoulders of Steve Jobs as his legacy of being the coolest geek in Silicon Valley began showing signs of flaking. Instead of wowing us with a breadth of new features such as a holographic interface, contact teleportation services, or an added latte dispenser, Steve and company merely went about rehashing news about the services other people have developed for the phone. Super Monkey Ball just got super monkey-er. Ebay now has an iphone way to auction. And now, you can joyously scramble to finish the powerpoint presentation your boss should have completed because Apple's MobileMe gives you the power to unleash the mobile you.

The entire 2 hour keynote smelled like an apology for not providing Apple fanboys with the essential features most cellphone makers have been including in their products ever since we've been poking our sticks at their giant obelisk. Since the glorious reception of the iPhone, criticisms about the use of the slow EDGE network and the high price tag rolled in abundance. Wisely correcting their mistakes, Apple has bowed to the pressures of consumer complaints and updated the iPhone with 3G technology. This year's iPhone finally adding last year's 3G capabilities means that an iphoner can actually finishing checking an e-mail faster than they can make toast. And the new affordable $199 price tag means you no longer have to pawn an engagement ring for the sleek handheld.

There's also some stuff Apple failed to mention. The data service plan for the iPhone 3G will be more expensive. Current iPhoners pay approximately $20 for unlimited data service, but the faster members of the multi-touch club will be paying AT&T $30 a month for servicing their impatience. Steve also didn't appreciate underground geniuses unlocking the latest milestone in his life, so all iPhones will have to be unlocked in-store instead of at-home with iTunes. The darkest secret is that the iPhone 3G will look like it's $200 cheaper, but it is truthfully more expensive to the consumer than before. The $200 "discount" is AT&T's bait to trap consumers into a 2 year minimum contract where monthly service charges can easily be increased at their discretion. Even if the rates remain constant for the entire contract, we consumers will ultimately be paying a larger total sum.

Although the hype machine was on full blast leading up to the sold out World Wide Developers Conference, the lack of glory to be had was evident with the lack of Steve on stage. The majority of the presentation was filled with other rich guys talking about how we can make them more rich through the iPhone. With little reason to "boom," Steve spent the bulk of his few minutes silently waiting for pages to load and broadcasting a self-serving encore of Apple's new commercial advertisement. The height of boredom was spectacularly achieved as a clip pin-marking the future global conquest of 70 countries dragged on to the tune of "It's a Small World."

The part of the keynote that intrigued me the most was noticing the attendance of Nobel Peace Prize laureate Al Gore. Shouldn't Al Gore be doing something about climate change, instead of merely oo-ing and ahh-ing updates on the world's most lickable device? It's funny how any news regarding Al Gore's work towards fixing climate change has gone AWOL ever since his acceptance of the most prestigious award our microwaved planet has to offer. The Nobel Peace Prize seats him next to inspirational figures like Mother Teresa and Martin Luther King Jr., yet he chooses to sit beside drooling tech-geeks for news on Apple's latest innovations (to which he would have no technological understanding for). The self-proclaimed inventor of the internet should do the Nobel Prize justice and continue working harder towards a greener planet, otherwise he should relinquish the award to a more deserving nominee like Bono.

Regardless of the dull announcement, I will still become another geek in line on July 11th...eagerly waiting to get my greasy fingers on the faster phone.