You Got a Standing Problem??!!

I'm not sure what's worse...someone with a staring problem, or someone with a standing problem.

Everyone's experienced a staring problem. It's those times when you catch another person looking at you without blinking for well over 30 minutes. Sometimes it's just creepy, but it's always certainly irritating. Moments of excessive staring call for a stronger reaction than mere pepper spray. A hard gouge into Felix's not-so-cute, soul piercing, peepers is usually in order.

The standing problem just happens to be one of those common, everyday, life occurrences that no one really talks about. It's those occasions when you're standing in a line and you can feel the humid breath of an obese habitual personal-space molester. The hairs on the back of your neck would stand up if they weren't already weighed down by the moistness of the heavy air emanating from the whistling nasal cavities of the person behind you.

Earlier today, I was standing in line at the neighborhood snack haven where all of local high society typically gather. While patiently waiting to buy my can of crack for my multi-session study marathon, this clueless idiot came within prison-raping violation of my personal zone. I could practically feel the presence of his pot-belly rubbing against the small of my back. And the worst part is that he would not let me escape. Every time I inched forward to relieve myself of his closeness that only a wife should know, he would follow suit and return within painstakingly erogenous distance of me. It's almost as if he was methodically positioning himself in my grossed out zone because he was getting kicks out of my expressed annoyance.

One step towards making the world a better place would be to stop waiting within un-welcomed intimate space of one another. Standing as close as possible to the stranger in front of you will NEVER make the line move faster...it just makes the line denser and the people tenser. Unless you're in China where wide open space is rare, please back the fuck up.

Have a great weekend everyone...unless you're studying for the LSAT, try to salvage whatever goodness you can. =)